dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
