she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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