well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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