Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
