oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
