my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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