i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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