Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
