May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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