i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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