I haven't been this sober since birth.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
