Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
love makes seman taste better
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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