Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
