he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
