Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
soo... how was my night?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
