theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
