guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
