i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
