At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My feet surprised me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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