I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
