i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
They have beer where we have blood.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
