i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
