addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
