It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
