i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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