i just had sex bonerless
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
