I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
