$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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