if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
