Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
