Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
