Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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