whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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