Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
