MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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