I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
