saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
