They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
this hospital has no fireball
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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