I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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