before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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