I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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