apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
