I could have mohawked her pubes.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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