I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
