my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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