Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
