It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
