I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
