just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
