I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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