I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Randomize
