$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
