Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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