party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
