You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Vodka?
Forever.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
