I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
